Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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