I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
