turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
