you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
