me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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