Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
