8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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