im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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