my vag is so smooth its legendary
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
