How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
