It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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