but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
