I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
