No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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