She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
