I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need moral support for this bender
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
