I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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