I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
