I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
