If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
