I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
