peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
