i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
