Umm I'm too high to move.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
