So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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