Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
