I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
