my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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