drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
