I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
