u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dick very happy bro
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
