Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
