Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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