i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
