remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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