Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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