Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
