i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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