You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
