maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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