dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
