I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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