THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
