I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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