Sry I called you an 8
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
