I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
