I just made out with a guy for $7.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
