Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
