watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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