If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
