did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Welp...herpes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
