Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
