Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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